You know those huge, long log-carrying trucks? The kind carrying long stacks of pre-telephone pole stock? From time to time these guys roar by heading to some telephone pole shaping factory, we suppose, not really intending to run your Prius over.
We badly need telephone poles, both replacements and new ones. What would the world be like if we didn’t have a steady supply of telephone poles, for pete’s sake! Therefore, we should think nothing of-a log-carrying truck whizzing by.
It’s when we see two log-carrying trucks, going by in opposite directions that should make us thinking persons scratch our heads. Two trucks, each going in opposite directions. Two trucks, one coming from the east to drop off its logs into a log-shaping factory somewhere west, and the other truck coming from the west to drop off its load somewhere east. Even if you didn’t pass ninth grade geography, you should see how absurd this is. Wouldn’t it occur to them that each truck could simply swap drop-off points? I mean, is there a difference among log-shaping factories? I sincerely doubt it.
Three major explanations of this wasteful industrial behavior fly around these days:
- More driving allows more home-away time for drivers.
- There are better bars at City A or City B.
- The log-chopper mill has a pushy cousin at a distant pole-shaping factory.
All these reasons are ridiculous. More likely, log business persons have been dropping off their logs at the same few places ever since Alexander Bell became a dead ringer, and by God, they ain’t gonna’ change.
There is a better plan on the horizon. Log truckers have cell phones, don’t they? The basic principle here is, one trucker calls another, they swap details about swapping now-shorter drop-off runs, and everybody saves gas. This lowers operating costs for the owners, leads to greater numbers of logging shipments, and higher pay for all drivers.
Diners could be established to cater to this specialty trade. Picture a pulled pork restaurant set up for these hard-working American drivers, with catchy slogans such as, “Try our hogs, while you swap your logs.” Or a bakery aimed at this crowd, “Munch our rolls, when you fiddle with your poles.” Maybe not that one. This could also get mistaken for an ethnic joke slam.
Why do I really think this great idea will only get a vaudeville drum roll? Alas, the clue to this sad story sits in that part above about the log-swapping restaurants. It’s the cell phones! Tree-based telephoning may be on the way out. But wait! Cell phones require towers, which require raw steel manufactured poles, which require trucks to carry the raw steel tower poles, which probably get new truck stop diners in their honor, “Co-ed showers, when trading your towers… “